Thank you for sharing this inspiring story. As the mother of a smart, caring and neurodivergent child, I also wish we could all be more compassionate when judging other people's reactions that we do not fully understand.
Thank you, Ana. Compassion is everything. It’s so easy to judge what we don’t understand; it’s a lesson to all of us to look at our own quirks and fallibility and recognise others have similar if different issues. This is where sharing stories can be very valuable I think, in connecting us in our shared humanity. I have three neurodivergent offspring, and we have bonded a lot in our recognition of this (which except for one of us, has only become apparent in adulthood).
I suspect most writers are neurodivergent to some degree. Certainly it helps to write credible characters if you accept their peculiarities and don’t try and force them to be versions of yourself. Talking of writers - what if Shakespeare lent (or rented) his name to various playwrights whose social position meant they had to keep their distance from the theatre? Rather like blacklisted writers in the 1950s used the name Alan Smithee? Wouldn’t that explain the huge variety in style of the plays in the First Folio?
Barber kisses hairdresser. Brilliant! Your opening had me invested in your story from the start. And in a way, you unpacked two. The kiss and the ADHD, which in the end became more rewarding to learn about. You took a small oops, and made it a big moment. I don’t live in Brighton any more to seek out your Chris, but if I did drop by, I’ll be sure to keep my lips in check ;)
Thanks, Huddlestone! (I love your name, by the way). Yes, the ADHD story is the secret sub-plot; I always like to have a second layer. I’ve been telling anecdotes like this to friends and family for years, I can never resist a little story, and it’s so much fun to start sharing them more publicly.
‘These are the cuts that look, the next morning, like you spent £60 purely having an inane conversation about holidays.’ Some good lines landed in this piece. What your piece captures so vividly is that suspended, agonising pseudo-intimacy that both the hairdresser and the client have to endure while this ritual is executed, and then somehow find a way to end the transaction. ADHD or not, the whole thing is pretty weird!
I’ve had the same hairdresser for, good gourd, 12 years?! I’ve chased her around the state, but she’s back here for good. My kids have grown up and moved out in that time, and she’s generated some kids of her own (which I’m happy to hold while my hair’s getting done). I don’t know what I’d do without her. My hair is uncooperative. I have cut it myself, it never ends well & she makes fun of me. “Oh god. You know this is just going to have to grow. WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL!” It’s curly and doesn’t tolerate my bullshit.
What a great read. I'm like you. I don't do anything to my hair other than tie it up or leave it down and I never blow dry. Like you say, I've got better ways to spend my time. Your insights on ADHD are insightful too. I have some close friends who are recently diagnosed and far better for it it seems.
Thank you, Tania. Yes, understanding that I have ADHD has really put my whole life into a new perspective. So helpful to me and also those who live with me. It makes sense of so much!
Omg I felt it all. As some kind of adhd / high functioning autist, I have done so many equally funny not funny things. Lucky I’m comfortable with being uncomfortable 😅
I think I just accepted that I’m always going to do absurd things and I may as well stop judging myself for it. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes cringey… either way it’s an adventure. 💛
Self-acceptance is such a tremendous gift. I am at least no longer beating myself up quite so much and maybe this public confession will help me get a bit more comfortable with it all.
My life started to make sense after reading up about ADHD in women when I was 60. Not that I’ve had a bad life because I haven’t but parts of it have been a lot harder than they should have been. I practice self care and positive affirmations much more these days.
I've given up seeing a hairdresser. since 2019. I cut my own hair, years of seeing different stylists and walking out with a Helmut hair cut ( not a good look) minus 60 euros. I've finally realised my hair has a mind of its own and it's no point fighting against it's extreme fizziness
Amusing and touching. I sympathise--good hairdressers are rarer than diamonds in the desert, even for men. Especially for men. And I can't imagine any bloke being hurt by you hugging and kissing him. If he's gay, he'll take it as an expression of spontaneous warmth. If he's straight, he's likely to be flattered, if he thinks you're flirting. The haircut looks great, by the way. I need one myself.
You have lovely hair, Ros! I have done so many similarly awkward and embarrassing things. Probably the adhd but as a very late diagnosed one, I can't get out of the habit of blaming myself.
Oh my goodness I had so much fun reading this! Ros, you’re a riot. How gloriously fallible we all are. The best part? You own it. You grab that awkwardness by the throat and squeeze until it coughs up something worth laughing about.
Ah, hairdressers... moved to a village with two hairdressers, and started going to a guy who had a habit of going out to the kitchen a lot. He was going to do my hair for my wedding, and suggested doing the colour the week before. Turned up to find the salon closed, no explanation. Panic! Went to the other hairdresser in the village, who said the 'habit' of going into the kitchen was to do with a coke habit. He also drank, and had been fired from other salons for failing to turn up to work. New hairdresser had no appointments on the day of the wedding, but did my colour, and I found another hairdresser in the nearest town for the big day.
Wow. Interesting habit. I'm glad you managed to find substitutes for your wedding coiffure, but we don't need this with hair matters; we need reliability!
What a great story, Ros. As someone diagnosed as ADHD a few years ago (in my late 40s), I’m so relieved to have a different label from the ‘stupid, useless and lazy’ one I had given myself. And, oof, I’ve spent a lot of time isolating myself, due to not being able to bear yet another embarrassing mistake.
I totally relate to that last sentence! In fact when the pandemic came and lockdown kicked in I felt it was a blessed relief; no more opportunities to make a total arse of myself for a while. Indeed, as it turned out, for well over a year! This made me doubly nervous, when lockdown lifted, of the return of the faux pas. But like you, I much prefer this label to the ones I used on my myself before.
Gah, I feel the pain. And also the pain of finding the right hairdresser (I'm contemplating a trip from Kent to Oxford for my next cut, having found a good one while house-sitting for a friend). And now I have to relive the day I accidentally kissed a work client because... Oh I have no idea. But it still haunts me. Eleven years ago and counting...
Ha! You know what? I wave an invisible but magically charged arm over your head and say You’ve paid your dues. Eleven years is enough. You can let it go. Bon chance in your continued search for a decent haircut on your doorstep.
Thank you for withholding the detail of his response for as long as you did. It made for lovely suspense!
Thanks Alan! I guess over the years I’ve learned a bit about sustaining narrative tension :-)
Thank you for sharing this inspiring story. As the mother of a smart, caring and neurodivergent child, I also wish we could all be more compassionate when judging other people's reactions that we do not fully understand.
Thank you, Ana. Compassion is everything. It’s so easy to judge what we don’t understand; it’s a lesson to all of us to look at our own quirks and fallibility and recognise others have similar if different issues. This is where sharing stories can be very valuable I think, in connecting us in our shared humanity. I have three neurodivergent offspring, and we have bonded a lot in our recognition of this (which except for one of us, has only become apparent in adulthood).
I suspect most writers are neurodivergent to some degree. Certainly it helps to write credible characters if you accept their peculiarities and don’t try and force them to be versions of yourself. Talking of writers - what if Shakespeare lent (or rented) his name to various playwrights whose social position meant they had to keep their distance from the theatre? Rather like blacklisted writers in the 1950s used the name Alan Smithee? Wouldn’t that explain the huge variety in style of the plays in the First Folio?
Yes, I think a lot of writers are neurodivergent. Your Shakespeare question I shan’t answer here :-)
Barber kisses hairdresser. Brilliant! Your opening had me invested in your story from the start. And in a way, you unpacked two. The kiss and the ADHD, which in the end became more rewarding to learn about. You took a small oops, and made it a big moment. I don’t live in Brighton any more to seek out your Chris, but if I did drop by, I’ll be sure to keep my lips in check ;)
Thanks, Huddlestone! (I love your name, by the way). Yes, the ADHD story is the secret sub-plot; I always like to have a second layer. I’ve been telling anecdotes like this to friends and family for years, I can never resist a little story, and it’s so much fun to start sharing them more publicly.
‘These are the cuts that look, the next morning, like you spent £60 purely having an inane conversation about holidays.’ Some good lines landed in this piece. What your piece captures so vividly is that suspended, agonising pseudo-intimacy that both the hairdresser and the client have to endure while this ritual is executed, and then somehow find a way to end the transaction. ADHD or not, the whole thing is pretty weird!
I’ve had the same hairdresser for, good gourd, 12 years?! I’ve chased her around the state, but she’s back here for good. My kids have grown up and moved out in that time, and she’s generated some kids of her own (which I’m happy to hold while my hair’s getting done). I don’t know what I’d do without her. My hair is uncooperative. I have cut it myself, it never ends well & she makes fun of me. “Oh god. You know this is just going to have to grow. WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL!” It’s curly and doesn’t tolerate my bullshit.
She did my kids’ hairs, too
I love that you've given your hair a persona! But hooray that your reliable hairdresser no longer has to be chased and came back to you :-).
Thanks, Tanya! Agreed, it is weirdly intimate. How women cope with even more intimate appointments like the waxing of bikini lines I cannot imagine.
What a great read. I'm like you. I don't do anything to my hair other than tie it up or leave it down and I never blow dry. Like you say, I've got better ways to spend my time. Your insights on ADHD are insightful too. I have some close friends who are recently diagnosed and far better for it it seems.
Thank you, Tania. Yes, understanding that I have ADHD has really put my whole life into a new perspective. So helpful to me and also those who live with me. It makes sense of so much!
Omg I felt it all. As some kind of adhd / high functioning autist, I have done so many equally funny not funny things. Lucky I’m comfortable with being uncomfortable 😅
I can only say well done, Lisa, because I have never found a way of being comfortable with it!
I think I just accepted that I’m always going to do absurd things and I may as well stop judging myself for it. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes cringey… either way it’s an adventure. 💛
Self-acceptance is such a tremendous gift. I am at least no longer beating myself up quite so much and maybe this public confession will help me get a bit more comfortable with it all.
My life started to make sense after reading up about ADHD in women when I was 60. Not that I’ve had a bad life because I haven’t but parts of it have been a lot harder than they should have been. I practice self care and positive affirmations much more these days.
I've given up seeing a hairdresser. since 2019. I cut my own hair, years of seeing different stylists and walking out with a Helmut hair cut ( not a good look) minus 60 euros. I've finally realised my hair has a mind of its own and it's no point fighting against it's extreme fizziness
Me too. My last visit to the hairdresser was January 2020. I’ve never been back. ☺️
Amusing and touching. I sympathise--good hairdressers are rarer than diamonds in the desert, even for men. Especially for men. And I can't imagine any bloke being hurt by you hugging and kissing him. If he's gay, he'll take it as an expression of spontaneous warmth. If he's straight, he's likely to be flattered, if he thinks you're flirting. The haircut looks great, by the way. I need one myself.
Thanks, Garry! He cuts men's hair too, so if you're ever in Brighton...
Who knows? Next time I'm back in England, maybe...
You have lovely hair, Ros! I have done so many similarly awkward and embarrassing things. Probably the adhd but as a very late diagnosed one, I can't get out of the habit of blaming myself.
Mine was also very late diagnosis: start now! It is not you, it is the wiring!
My hairdresser story is on your previous post - oops.
Haha! Excellent error :-)
Oh my goodness I had so much fun reading this! Ros, you’re a riot. How gloriously fallible we all are. The best part? You own it. You grab that awkwardness by the throat and squeeze until it coughs up something worth laughing about.
Thank you, Mohika. You have a terrific way with words yourself, my word. That last sentence is a masterclass in metaphor.
That’s so sweet Ros! Happy to be connected with your work here!
Ah, hairdressers... moved to a village with two hairdressers, and started going to a guy who had a habit of going out to the kitchen a lot. He was going to do my hair for my wedding, and suggested doing the colour the week before. Turned up to find the salon closed, no explanation. Panic! Went to the other hairdresser in the village, who said the 'habit' of going into the kitchen was to do with a coke habit. He also drank, and had been fired from other salons for failing to turn up to work. New hairdresser had no appointments on the day of the wedding, but did my colour, and I found another hairdresser in the nearest town for the big day.
Wow. Interesting habit. I'm glad you managed to find substitutes for your wedding coiffure, but we don't need this with hair matters; we need reliability!
What a great story, Ros. As someone diagnosed as ADHD a few years ago (in my late 40s), I’m so relieved to have a different label from the ‘stupid, useless and lazy’ one I had given myself. And, oof, I’ve spent a lot of time isolating myself, due to not being able to bear yet another embarrassing mistake.
I totally relate to that last sentence! In fact when the pandemic came and lockdown kicked in I felt it was a blessed relief; no more opportunities to make a total arse of myself for a while. Indeed, as it turned out, for well over a year! This made me doubly nervous, when lockdown lifted, of the return of the faux pas. But like you, I much prefer this label to the ones I used on my myself before.
Gah, I feel the pain. And also the pain of finding the right hairdresser (I'm contemplating a trip from Kent to Oxford for my next cut, having found a good one while house-sitting for a friend). And now I have to relive the day I accidentally kissed a work client because... Oh I have no idea. But it still haunts me. Eleven years ago and counting...
Ha! You know what? I wave an invisible but magically charged arm over your head and say You’ve paid your dues. Eleven years is enough. You can let it go. Bon chance in your continued search for a decent haircut on your doorstep.