So true, Ros. It took me a long time to get here but after a childhood of emotional, physical and sexual abuse I’m now full warrior! Luckily I found a soul mate who gave me the love I needed to find my strength. Here’s to all of us who rise 💙
Ros! It's just right. How is it that all our stories coalesce? Before the abuse I was always grasping at my own sense of wholeness, and now I know it with absolute clarity. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully.
Thank you, April. I think if we had a stronger sense of who we are before all this, we would never have fallen for abusers, but there is so much that fragments us and makes us feel unsure of ourselves before we even reach adulthood! To have that absolute clarity now: what a gift!
No question it is what has made the concept so popular in recent years, as we all become more trauma aware. My son has a Kintsugi tattoo for this reason. Thank you, Gia.
If you think she is open to it, and it is safe to do so (eg the communication is definitely private - my first husband was reading my emails), send it to her. If not… find any gentle way you can to let her know you are there for her if she needs you. It’s so hard when we can see that someone we care about is in danger.
This is, sadly, much more complex than I can even hint at. But I've already told her that; part of the problem is she is burning bridges at a ridiculous rate.
I’ve never taken a self-defense course but always thought I should. You explained to me why I didn’t: I don’t want to focus on being attacked. Anyway, there are so many fucking guns over here that the feeling of being defenseless is already overwhelming.
So important to tell these stories. I have more than one friend - intelligent, well educated women, who found themselves in an abusive relationship. This is something that sticks to their bones like glue, makes them jittery, fearful, strong, determined, angry, distrusting…
I still have major trust issues! Controlling men really like to capture these capable-looking women. It’s the same as big game hunters. They want to bag a lion, not a pussycat.
In Australia we are also seeing a rise in the number of women killed by men. There is a Facebook page called “Destroy the Joint” that has a “Counting dead women in Australia” tally - 63 women have been killed by men so far this year. Last year 64 women were killed in the year 😔.
This is despite new laws around coercive control, etc.
We also have a group called “Mad Fucking Witches” https://www.mfw.org.au who are very active in calling out media misogyny and who have had fantastic results - they basically put out the call for people to contact advertisers who withdraw advertising. Their work has proved effective in removing some awful radio presenters for example. The group is open to women and good men.
I feel like for a while there we thought we were making progress on gender equality, but over the past few years, everything is going back to the dark ages - fast!
Thanks for sharing these resources, Sarah. Yes, sadly we really are going backwards. There has been a major backlash against the progress we thought we’d made and things are worse for women right now than they were even in the 80s (when it still felt pretty sexist). We have to keep standing up for ourselves, speaking out, and finding ways to communicate our humanity.
So true, Ros. It took me a long time to get here but after a childhood of emotional, physical and sexual abuse I’m now full warrior! Luckily I found a soul mate who gave me the love I needed to find my strength. Here’s to all of us who rise 💙
Fantastic, Amanda. I am so glad you have survived and are now strong and thriving, with love to support you.
"The glue is love: and joy is the gold" ... and the result is priceless.
Thank you.
Thank *you*, Odet.
Ros! It's just right. How is it that all our stories coalesce? Before the abuse I was always grasping at my own sense of wholeness, and now I know it with absolute clarity. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully.
Thank you, April. I think if we had a stronger sense of who we are before all this, we would never have fallen for abusers, but there is so much that fragments us and makes us feel unsure of ourselves before we even reach adulthood! To have that absolute clarity now: what a gift!
I, too, have thought of Kintsugi as a metaphor for my trauma! Thank you for sharing this and reminding us all to sparkle.
No question it is what has made the concept so popular in recent years, as we all become more trauma aware. My son has a Kintsugi tattoo for this reason. Thank you, Gia.
There is someone in my life that I would love to read this. I'm scared for her future, and I really do not know who I can talk to about it.
If you think she is open to it, and it is safe to do so (eg the communication is definitely private - my first husband was reading my emails), send it to her. If not… find any gentle way you can to let her know you are there for her if she needs you. It’s so hard when we can see that someone we care about is in danger.
This is, sadly, much more complex than I can even hint at. But I've already told her that; part of the problem is she is burning bridges at a ridiculous rate.
I’m so sorry, Jon. I guess it will have to play out. I hope she comes through it.
Waiting for the next beating drives you to the edge of insanity, takes the you out of yourself
Thank you so much for this ❤️
Wow, this story filled my heart with so much admiration! 🩷
That is why I wanted to share it. She was such an inspiring woman and had been so through much.
I’ve never taken a self-defense course but always thought I should. You explained to me why I didn’t: I don’t want to focus on being attacked. Anyway, there are so many fucking guns over here that the feeling of being defenseless is already overwhelming.
Yes, in a gun culture these kinds of classes would have less appeal.
Heartbreaking and beautifully written, Ros. Not a word out of place. Thank you.
Thank you, Fiona.
Kintsugi... yes.
So important to tell these stories. I have more than one friend - intelligent, well educated women, who found themselves in an abusive relationship. This is something that sticks to their bones like glue, makes them jittery, fearful, strong, determined, angry, distrusting…
Thank you, Ros, for sharing this.
I still have major trust issues! Controlling men really like to capture these capable-looking women. It’s the same as big game hunters. They want to bag a lion, not a pussycat.
Mumsnet is a brilliant resource for women trapped by abusers. Just putting that out there, if it helps anyone.
Thanks for sharing this, Georgina; people need to know where to go for support and advice, and Mumsnet is a great call.
In Australia we are also seeing a rise in the number of women killed by men. There is a Facebook page called “Destroy the Joint” that has a “Counting dead women in Australia” tally - 63 women have been killed by men so far this year. Last year 64 women were killed in the year 😔.
This is despite new laws around coercive control, etc.
We also have a group called “Mad Fucking Witches” https://www.mfw.org.au who are very active in calling out media misogyny and who have had fantastic results - they basically put out the call for people to contact advertisers who withdraw advertising. Their work has proved effective in removing some awful radio presenters for example. The group is open to women and good men.
I feel like for a while there we thought we were making progress on gender equality, but over the past few years, everything is going back to the dark ages - fast!
Thanks for your writing! 💪🏼👍🏼
Thanks for sharing these resources, Sarah. Yes, sadly we really are going backwards. There has been a major backlash against the progress we thought we’d made and things are worse for women right now than they were even in the 80s (when it still felt pretty sexist). We have to keep standing up for ourselves, speaking out, and finding ways to communicate our humanity.