Men Who Hate Women Are My New Best Friends
Gotta love the New Misogyny. Same as the Old Misogyny, but 100% more stupid.
Years ago, my first husband convinced me I was worthless through a thousand small erasures. Through treating my body like something he’d purchased.
So when the Epstein files cracked open this week like 20,000 tins of rancid herring, I wasn’t surprised by the stink. Noam Chomsky, that hurts. But a critical reminder that male academics still have cocks. Deepak Chopra? The self-styled spiritual guru who made millions out of mindfulness? Christ on a bike.
But the rest’s not surprising. Powerful men treating women’s bodies as disposable. Calling teens “young women” to make child prostitution palatable. You can pass her around like a joint, and who cares how she feels? Because women and girls, to these men, aren’t really people. Does your Tesla feel pain when you throw yourself into the seat?
The New Misogyny is billed as a backlash to feminist progress. Fancy insisting that women are whole human beings, not subordinate bangmaids. We made too many advances. Scared the crap out of those we have to be twice as good as, to do half as well.
Started beating the boys in education. Started buying homes solo. Jobs for the boys? Women can do anything, so long as they can take the abuse. You can be a politician, if you’re okay with rape threats and death threats.
Be a top-flight reporter if you’re okay with the US President telling you, “Quiet, Piggy.”
Be a welder, until a man decides a woman in a “man’s job” needs to be snuffed out.
The last few years, I’ve been watching in despair as all the gains I thought we’d made towards equality started rolling back. The undoing, in the USA, of Roe vs Wade. The rise of Andrew Tate. Convicted rapists voted into office. Schoolboys barking at their female teachers. But as 2025 heads for its close, something has shifted. Could 2025 be the year misogyny peaked?
The New Misogyny. Same as the Old Misogyny, but loud and proud. This year, it got so damn loud and proud that it feels like it broke the whole lie. The lie that men have our backs: that “protect and provide” is what we can expect, rather than a very high chance we’ll be hurt or exploited.
Peaking is glorious, because now? There’s a backlash to the backlash. The “male loneliness epidemic” is rebranded the “male consequences epidemic.” On Threads, there are whole cities of women waking up to red flags. Sharing what their dates said, what their boyfriends did; mini-stories to which the sisterhood swarms, with dumpster memes and the ageing-out catchphrase “Men aren’t lonely enough.”
The whole of patriarchal masculinity feels, in these circles, pushed over with its belly exposed. Over its vulnerable, beer-fuelled midriff, witty women gather to knit it into strands of educational comedy. From bootees to sticking the boot in.
The fun is not limited to women. On Instagram, this charming French guy, Eros Brousson, is roasting men for likes.
Outside of the Threads revolution and French comedy reels, there are gems like
exposing right-wing “Christians” as perverts and forcing history down the thirst-trapped throats of horny men.And it gets serious too. Suddenly, I’m learning about “coverture.” How have I lived an indecent number of decades without knowing this word, which explains the whole basis, in our culture, of women not being independent legal entities? Here on Substack,
exploring the abusive nature of too many relationships, and close to my heart, spreading the word on coercive control. Entire fields of red flags are now out in the open.So this is how I’ve decided to love the New Misogynists. Getting this loud about how much you hate women, how inferior you think us, was never going to end well. When you muttered it under your breath, we could do nothing. Now you’re plastering it on Tiktok? Great, now we have the receipts. We’re sharing the screenshots with our sisters, and we’re all waking up to this fact: a lot of men don’t like us very much. So, cool, we’ll not make you a sandwich.
Single girls are getting wise to cheap tricks: the last-minute “short of cash” date cancellation, wanna come over to my place and have a bottle of wine? Dude, she’s not Deliverhoe. Then there’s the rise of The Burned Haystack method: block to burn (the straw, to find that “needle”).
Thanks to the New Misogyny, women are getting wise. Making better choices. Giving me hope that more women can avoid getting into the abusive relationships so many of us were tricked into in the past.
The rules are changing. And yes, the violence against us is amping up: this is how change happens. No one in power wants their power stripped away, and the key response of patriarchal masculinity is always domination.
But we — women — hold the keys to the kingdom. What do heterosexual men want more than access to our bodies? Practically nothing. They’re prepared to risk ruining their lives for the sake of some skirt. Even self-styled spiritual gurus like Deepak Chopra will chum up to convicted paedophiles, led by their cocks. Female leaders, with their lower testosterone, are easier to trust. And yes, as Michelle Obama stated this week, our most powerful neighbour still isn’t ready for one.
But. I’m beginning to believe that this powerful engine of hatred — the open dismissal and disrespect of women — will, in a backlash-to-the-backlash, drive a new world into being. A world where those who despise us fail to reproduce themselves. A world where compassion and fairness are the dominant values.
There is always bright light on the other side of darkness. When I left my abusive first marriage, I was both broken and broke. But I was also awake. I knew what I was worth. I was starting from scratch, but I was free. I was determined not to take any more bullshit. And on a wider scale, I think women, as a whole, are feeling the same. Sick of this shit, guys. It’s over. We’ve wised up. New rules.
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Over to you
Got any comment on the Epstein files?
How are you dealing with the New Misogyny?
Have I, in any way, helped you feel more hopeful?
Should we be wary of making too much of Eros Brousson? (He is a man, after all, so I’m bracing myself to be disappointed at some point in the future…)
If you’ve got a favourite bit of woman-centred comedy, feel free to share!
The type of men that annoy me just as much the stereotypical asshole men are the sycophants who bend over backwards to be the kind of man they think a woman would like. The kind who hang out at Yoga classes and never miss a chance to tell women we're goddesses. Must be nice to let your inner female show when your outer one is still making a male salary and has an actual chance to be president.
I always thought Deepak Chopra was a fuckwit. He always acted totally up himself whenever I saw him. Fake spirituality. That said, I'm sure there are many people on the list that will surprise me.