This one merits several readings and a considered comment. This is the best I can do late on a Friday evening … and is a little bit of a meander, but here goes.
Your piece made me think of the hubris discussions I’ve had about Greek tragedy and why we still love the central characters despite any flaws.
One of the most surreal is ‘Ajax.’ The Trojan hero so proud of killing loads of men until he realises he’s just killed a bunch of sheep (a goddess distorts his vision) and he is so ashamed he kills himself.
I used to find it faintly ridiculous, farcical even. But the older I get the more I think about it and feel for him. It’s his delusion. It is so human.
We have all been deluded and blinded by pride. The moment he realises how much of a fool he must have looked is the very one we can all identify with him (minus the sheep-killing bit,
mind you).
The idea of pride over intellectual achievements is particularly interesting too.
When we realise that intellect is nothing without kindness and that the kindest people have often suffered greatly (both things which I think can take the brightest minds longer to really grasp) it makes us more humble,m about our intellect. If we suffer we become more humble about it.
But I still think we are right to be proud of ourselves.
Especially because the world is too full of people who don’t see kindness as the most important thing and we’re often fighting against that mentality.
The moment we get it we also gain a greater capacity to see the good in others because we want them to be kind - we inherently value it so much. We recognise how much better we can work together if we do this (like fingers on a hand as M Aurelius said). So we can all feel proud of ourselves and the others we have worked with. Collectively proud, and proud of ourselves, I think. Not mutually exclusive.
Possibly a more touchy feely response than you were expecting but it is how I see things now, more than ever.
We work better as humans when we value one another and are kind and we need that so badly now.
Will be so interested in your review. Even if it is annoying having that other play on, it should raise people’s interest in the subject matter, which hopefully will be useful for you when you put yours on in the Autumn.
Yet again you set the bar high; good not to be proud before the fall that seems already upon us.
Just at the end of an essay of epic proportions by my meagre standards, I’m both inspired and left wondering if I can match something this wonderful to read.
I’m exhausted by my writing and by all you aren’t proud of. I don’t know how you did it.
Love this, Ros. Only knowing you via Substack, but reading your open, honest posts, I see a lot for you to be proud of. I think we do often feel wary of using that word, that our lives are just things we get through, that we have no claim on pride, but while we perhaps don’t allow ourselves that feeling, so many others tell us that we deserve to be.
I don’t feel proud of escaping my abuser, I feel like it was luck and just the right thing to do. I’m actually writing something about shame right now and that is something that I feel entitled to more than anything.
In therapy I learned about the “compassionate friend”, how we should think of what we would say to a friend if it were them feeling like this, and try to be that friend for ourselves. I really struggle with it, despite my ability to remind friends to try it.
All your many achievements are deserving of pride, and I hope you can embrace that to some degree.
Pride is a difficult word, because if you succeed in something, people will say, in praise, "you must be so proud!" I suppose the issue is when people march about, chest puffed out, feeling proud when it's unearned, or that the amount of pride they're experiencing is far more than what's warranted.
Of course, at the moment (dare I even mention this?), there's a lot of people feeling proud about their flags. But I don't know what that pride is based on. Can you be proud of something you had no control over, like where you're born? Is it a sense of belonging to something that seems impressive? (Even if I don't agree with their narrow interpretation of what "Englishness" or "Britishness" means). I've never in my life said I'm proud to English or British, because it's just a fact that I am based on where I was born. Whereas I think I can be allowed to feel proud of doing my bit to release our new library catalogue this week, after months of hard work!
So interesting ypu make the comment about the flags and nationality. Only the other day I was talking about being British over English because of all that means.
Yes, with "English", there's the "Little Englander" element. I've been on the receiving end of it courtesy of people who think that I "don't look very English". Whatever that means!
Ironically, when I was at uni doing my English degree, me and my friends started a society for students in the English Department. We called it "BEDS" - "Birmingham English Department Society" (an acronym that provided much punning). Someone (not from the English Department) complained because they thought it was the "English Society" and suspected that it was racist! Whooops! (It very much wasn't, I hasten to point out!)
Congrats, Ros! This post got me thinking... I remember going on in a lead role in a show in NYC, with a week's notice. I felt so good after (whew!), so COMPLETE. I think it was a sense of accomplishment, doing what I was meant to do, rather than pride. I just know it felt good to, well, feel good!
I wrote about ‘bring proud, last week in relation to my daughter and her exams with a permanent eye on the idea of foreboding joy.
I believe we can be proud without the egotistical connotations often associated with pride. The fact we even have the awareness of it keeps us from it. Well I think so
I was just having the same kind of thoughts. Are you alive and healthy, do you have a roof over your head, food to eat? Then you are more fortunate than huge numbers of people on this planet. Still I'm fighting off depression. There are looming threats at a scale I've never encountered before. Pinch myself, do my tapping, stay in the present. Thanks 😊
I know how hard it is, goodness do I know. On the phone last night to my agent, and he spent half of it bemoaning the state of the world and the country, and was there any point trying to carry on as if anything is "normal?" And yet what else can we do, but persist: rebalance ourselves, shed the darkness as much as we can, keep reaching for the light?
I’m so happy for you, Ros. A breakthrough novel—what an incredible accomplishment! You absolutely deserve all the praise, including a healthy dose of self-praise. You’ve worked hard for years, and now you’re seeing the fruit of that dedication. You’ve been through so much, and now you’re transforming those experiences into something meaningful. I don’t know you in person (maybe one day—on my next pilgrimage to the homeland?), but I feel like I’m starting to know you through your words, your stories, and your thoughtful notes.
Now, as for your question—what am I proud of? Well, quite a few things, actually.
I’m proud of the work we did fundraising and building two emergency shelters, and setting up outreach and feeding programs for the homeless. It’s left a legacy in the town where I now live my semi-retired life—semi meaning I’m just as busy, but now I nap unapologetically. One woman we supported through rehab now lives in my townhouse complex—she’s married, has grandchildren, and still thanks us for what we did to help her. I’m proud of her for taking the little strength she had and turning her life around. That we got to be a small part of her story feels like a quiet miracle.
More recently, I’m proud to have become a published academic. I started a PhD (pre-cancer era), and one of our first-year assignments was to try to get our paper published. So, I took a deep breath, submitted mine, and lo and behold—it was accepted! My article, Transformational Servant Leadership and How It Can Benefit Generation Z, appeared in the fall edition of The Journal of Applied Christian Leadership. When I received the printed copy, I opened it to the page my article started on and just sat there thinking, “Well… look at that. I actually did it.” Then I may or may not have sniffed the pages like a weirdo.
Your next question... I have not been proud of myself in the past. I have been a bit overconfident a couple of times, but have not had a fall. Just a slow and steady learning and understanding of who I am and what I am supposed to be doing, and why I sabotage myself repeatedly. I am not doing that anymore.
Mostly a team leader and one who loves to see others blossom into the leaders they have the potential to be. Nothing is ever accomplished completely alone, or is it?
Balance? Oh my dear, have I got stories to tell you! Twice, I burned out because I failed to recognize that my schedule, or the pressures in my life, made it impossible for me to be anything other than a tea kettle steaming away with irritability and spilling all over the place. The second time I was embarrassed. I should have known better. I paid dearly for it, but life has a way of turning things around. My faith faltered during that time, but ultimately it helped me make sense of everything.
You’re right I think on one level but on another not. I guess it speaks to that age-old question of whether or not we have free will. I don’t believe everything it predetermined but equally not everything is self-made. For example we are about to sign a major contract worth about £25 million that 100% would not have happened had I not heard a BBC news article early January 2024, guessed the CEO’s email address and got a response the same day from someone less senior in the same organisation I had been trying to get hold of for almost 3 years. For sure many people have been involved since but yes I’m really proud of what we will have achieved. Funnily enough, as a salesman mainly inspired by sales (more particularly the commission they generate) I’m not bothered at all about the commission this will generate (in time I hope) but know that it is an achievement that cannot be taken away from me and probably the biggest of my business career to date. I feel proud but not in a ‘look at me’ way. It’s much more an internal personal pride (don’t worry I’m making sure the whole organisation is aware!!!).
So, be proud. I don’t think it’s a sin. You have have 100% had a part, a huge part in getting to where you are now. It doesn’t make you better (or worse) but just gives you that warm glow like training for an ultra-marathon that no-one thought you could do and you go and do it at last.
I’m not a Christian but for me heaven and hell are right here on earth and I think Christianity gets it right that we have choice. Not so much as to what happens to us( are my daughters responsible for their mother’s suicide - clearly not) but are they responsible for how they react. Yes for sure.
You are an amazing example of what’s possible and a complete inspiration. Yep be proud, be very proud (to misquote a famous Hollywood superstar - be afraid, be very afraid)
This one merits several readings and a considered comment. This is the best I can do late on a Friday evening … and is a little bit of a meander, but here goes.
Your piece made me think of the hubris discussions I’ve had about Greek tragedy and why we still love the central characters despite any flaws.
One of the most surreal is ‘Ajax.’ The Trojan hero so proud of killing loads of men until he realises he’s just killed a bunch of sheep (a goddess distorts his vision) and he is so ashamed he kills himself.
I used to find it faintly ridiculous, farcical even. But the older I get the more I think about it and feel for him. It’s his delusion. It is so human.
We have all been deluded and blinded by pride. The moment he realises how much of a fool he must have looked is the very one we can all identify with him (minus the sheep-killing bit,
mind you).
The idea of pride over intellectual achievements is particularly interesting too.
When we realise that intellect is nothing without kindness and that the kindest people have often suffered greatly (both things which I think can take the brightest minds longer to really grasp) it makes us more humble,m about our intellect. If we suffer we become more humble about it.
But I still think we are right to be proud of ourselves.
Especially because the world is too full of people who don’t see kindness as the most important thing and we’re often fighting against that mentality.
The moment we get it we also gain a greater capacity to see the good in others because we want them to be kind - we inherently value it so much. We recognise how much better we can work together if we do this (like fingers on a hand as M Aurelius said). So we can all feel proud of ourselves and the others we have worked with. Collectively proud, and proud of ourselves, I think. Not mutually exclusive.
Possibly a more touchy feely response than you were expecting but it is how I see things now, more than ever.
We work better as humans when we value one another and are kind and we need that so badly now.
Will be so interested in your review. Even if it is annoying having that other play on, it should raise people’s interest in the subject matter, which hopefully will be useful for you when you put yours on in the Autumn.
Yet again you set the bar high; good not to be proud before the fall that seems already upon us.
Just at the end of an essay of epic proportions by my meagre standards, I’m both inspired and left wondering if I can match something this wonderful to read.
I’m exhausted by my writing and by all you aren’t proud of. I don’t know how you did it.
Thanks for making the weekend better.
Love this, Ros. Only knowing you via Substack, but reading your open, honest posts, I see a lot for you to be proud of. I think we do often feel wary of using that word, that our lives are just things we get through, that we have no claim on pride, but while we perhaps don’t allow ourselves that feeling, so many others tell us that we deserve to be.
I don’t feel proud of escaping my abuser, I feel like it was luck and just the right thing to do. I’m actually writing something about shame right now and that is something that I feel entitled to more than anything.
In therapy I learned about the “compassionate friend”, how we should think of what we would say to a friend if it were them feeling like this, and try to be that friend for ourselves. I really struggle with it, despite my ability to remind friends to try it.
All your many achievements are deserving of pride, and I hope you can embrace that to some degree.
Pride is a difficult word, because if you succeed in something, people will say, in praise, "you must be so proud!" I suppose the issue is when people march about, chest puffed out, feeling proud when it's unearned, or that the amount of pride they're experiencing is far more than what's warranted.
Of course, at the moment (dare I even mention this?), there's a lot of people feeling proud about their flags. But I don't know what that pride is based on. Can you be proud of something you had no control over, like where you're born? Is it a sense of belonging to something that seems impressive? (Even if I don't agree with their narrow interpretation of what "Englishness" or "Britishness" means). I've never in my life said I'm proud to English or British, because it's just a fact that I am based on where I was born. Whereas I think I can be allowed to feel proud of doing my bit to release our new library catalogue this week, after months of hard work!
So interesting ypu make the comment about the flags and nationality. Only the other day I was talking about being British over English because of all that means.
Yes, with "English", there's the "Little Englander" element. I've been on the receiving end of it courtesy of people who think that I "don't look very English". Whatever that means!
Ironically, when I was at uni doing my English degree, me and my friends started a society for students in the English Department. We called it "BEDS" - "Birmingham English Department Society" (an acronym that provided much punning). Someone (not from the English Department) complained because they thought it was the "English Society" and suspected that it was racist! Whooops! (It very much wasn't, I hasten to point out!)
Congrats, Ros! This post got me thinking... I remember going on in a lead role in a show in NYC, with a week's notice. I felt so good after (whew!), so COMPLETE. I think it was a sense of accomplishment, doing what I was meant to do, rather than pride. I just know it felt good to, well, feel good!
As a candy crushed writer I feel seen lol. And bloody well done! You should be proud :)
Your little flower symbol blinks. I thought I was tripping but I'm pretty sure it's really happening. Isn't it?
This is correct! It has been doing so for nine months, and you're the first person to mention it!
Hahaha I'm glad I'm not going mad!!
I wrote about ‘bring proud, last week in relation to my daughter and her exams with a permanent eye on the idea of foreboding joy.
I believe we can be proud without the egotistical connotations often associated with pride. The fact we even have the awareness of it keeps us from it. Well I think so
I remain uncomfortable about being proud of myself but I am very happy to be proud of others. Including your daughter!
I wrote all about my struggles with it here!!! 😁
https://open.substack.com/pub/jacquisonelife/p/was-i-a-good-parent-an-uncomfortable?r=supd8&utm_medium=ios
Why thank you 🙏🏻
I was just having the same kind of thoughts. Are you alive and healthy, do you have a roof over your head, food to eat? Then you are more fortunate than huge numbers of people on this planet. Still I'm fighting off depression. There are looming threats at a scale I've never encountered before. Pinch myself, do my tapping, stay in the present. Thanks 😊
I know how hard it is, goodness do I know. On the phone last night to my agent, and he spent half of it bemoaning the state of the world and the country, and was there any point trying to carry on as if anything is "normal?" And yet what else can we do, but persist: rebalance ourselves, shed the darkness as much as we can, keep reaching for the light?
All I've got left are some old jokes. It's jokes from now on in
For your weekend, from a somewhat raw but gifted young oracle in St Louis
https://youtu.be/0Q4D_w02vd4?si=S7IJehNxBlt1hVFq
I’m so happy for you, Ros. A breakthrough novel—what an incredible accomplishment! You absolutely deserve all the praise, including a healthy dose of self-praise. You’ve worked hard for years, and now you’re seeing the fruit of that dedication. You’ve been through so much, and now you’re transforming those experiences into something meaningful. I don’t know you in person (maybe one day—on my next pilgrimage to the homeland?), but I feel like I’m starting to know you through your words, your stories, and your thoughtful notes.
Now, as for your question—what am I proud of? Well, quite a few things, actually.
I’m proud of the work we did fundraising and building two emergency shelters, and setting up outreach and feeding programs for the homeless. It’s left a legacy in the town where I now live my semi-retired life—semi meaning I’m just as busy, but now I nap unapologetically. One woman we supported through rehab now lives in my townhouse complex—she’s married, has grandchildren, and still thanks us for what we did to help her. I’m proud of her for taking the little strength she had and turning her life around. That we got to be a small part of her story feels like a quiet miracle.
More recently, I’m proud to have become a published academic. I started a PhD (pre-cancer era), and one of our first-year assignments was to try to get our paper published. So, I took a deep breath, submitted mine, and lo and behold—it was accepted! My article, Transformational Servant Leadership and How It Can Benefit Generation Z, appeared in the fall edition of The Journal of Applied Christian Leadership. When I received the printed copy, I opened it to the page my article started on and just sat there thinking, “Well… look at that. I actually did it.” Then I may or may not have sniffed the pages like a weirdo.
Your next question... I have not been proud of myself in the past. I have been a bit overconfident a couple of times, but have not had a fall. Just a slow and steady learning and understanding of who I am and what I am supposed to be doing, and why I sabotage myself repeatedly. I am not doing that anymore.
Mostly a team leader and one who loves to see others blossom into the leaders they have the potential to be. Nothing is ever accomplished completely alone, or is it?
Balance? Oh my dear, have I got stories to tell you! Twice, I burned out because I failed to recognize that my schedule, or the pressures in my life, made it impossible for me to be anything other than a tea kettle steaming away with irritability and spilling all over the place. The second time I was embarrassed. I should have known better. I paid dearly for it, but life has a way of turning things around. My faith faltered during that time, but ultimately it helped me make sense of everything.
Great piece, great questions!
You’re right I think on one level but on another not. I guess it speaks to that age-old question of whether or not we have free will. I don’t believe everything it predetermined but equally not everything is self-made. For example we are about to sign a major contract worth about £25 million that 100% would not have happened had I not heard a BBC news article early January 2024, guessed the CEO’s email address and got a response the same day from someone less senior in the same organisation I had been trying to get hold of for almost 3 years. For sure many people have been involved since but yes I’m really proud of what we will have achieved. Funnily enough, as a salesman mainly inspired by sales (more particularly the commission they generate) I’m not bothered at all about the commission this will generate (in time I hope) but know that it is an achievement that cannot be taken away from me and probably the biggest of my business career to date. I feel proud but not in a ‘look at me’ way. It’s much more an internal personal pride (don’t worry I’m making sure the whole organisation is aware!!!).
So, be proud. I don’t think it’s a sin. You have have 100% had a part, a huge part in getting to where you are now. It doesn’t make you better (or worse) but just gives you that warm glow like training for an ultra-marathon that no-one thought you could do and you go and do it at last.
I’m not a Christian but for me heaven and hell are right here on earth and I think Christianity gets it right that we have choice. Not so much as to what happens to us( are my daughters responsible for their mother’s suicide - clearly not) but are they responsible for how they react. Yes for sure.
You are an amazing example of what’s possible and a complete inspiration. Yep be proud, be very proud (to misquote a famous Hollywood superstar - be afraid, be very afraid)