The Carrot on the Piano

2 x good + ADHD = bad

My mum’s and stepdad’s wedding day. My brother Peter, the one who died, is not in it, because he volunteered to take the photo. A canny way of not having to pretend to be part of this absolute bullshit. Author far left which some will say I am simply because I went door knocking for Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour Party. I have also been accused of being far right, make it make sense. But that is my stepsister Sue.

Let’s play a game. You be me for a minute.

You’re somewhere between ten and twelve. (Eleven? you ask. Can you be eleven? Yes, you can be eleven, why not.)  You’re on the sofa with your brothers and sister, watching something funny on the telly—let’s say Scooby -Doo.

Your mum bursts into the room. You can tell from her bright red face that she’s about to explode.

“WHO LEFT THE CARROT ON THE PIANO?”

“Not me!!” you say, everyone says, absolutely fucken terrified.

“Not me!” is automatic, like jumping out of the way of a speeding car. No thought involved. Too panicked to think. The words catap…