What Happens When Writers Fall in Love: A Cautionary Rhyme

A performance duet from 2001

We were both poets.¹ We were performing together most weeks, at the open mic night he was running, Howling at the Moon. Separately, always. And then one night, we decided to write something silly and deliver it.

It has been buried in the archives forever. It should probably have stayed there.

But in celebration of the Modern Love piece, here is your paid subscriber bonus! Don’t say I didn’t warn you: some of these rhymes are crunchy!

PLUS: British references warning. I am supplying footnotes.

B = Barber (me)

S = Stones (him)

That's How Much I Love You (Too)

S If I were an engineer, I'd name a bridge after you
B If I were an entomologist, I'd name a midge after you
S If I were a phrenologist, I'd name a ridge after you
Because that's how much I love you

B If I were a conman, I'd name a fiddle after you
S If I were a grill chef, I'd name my griddle after you
B If I were a weightwatcher I'd name my middle after you
Because that's how much I love you

S If I were washing up, I'd name my bubbles after y…