Midlife women often think they’re failing because they feel this rising fury, when really, it’s just the first honest emotion they’ve let themselves feel in years. I sometimes call it “the beginning of the rebellion.” Not against others, but against the version of themselves who always swallowed it down. And didn't we all at some point?
The stuff we put up with when we were younger (because we knew no better, and had no idea what we were up against) just builds to a head until in midlife, yes, finally, we start expressing what we have suppressed so long. Didn't we all at some point, you ask? And yes, I think nearly all of us did. You have to be a very bold young woman to do otherwise.
Years ago, I had a counsellor who told me that depression was anger turned inside out. Unfortunately, after he told me that, I started reacting with anger rather than despair. I say, unfortunately - it was unfortunate for everyone around me, but I was letting it out and felt relieved afterwards. It doesn't happen often these days, unless I'm under a lot of stress (erm... Which I am atm as I've got to move house...!)
It’s a worthwhile thing to understand. At least so we can appreciate it’s an adaptive response to feeling disempowered, and a way up for air. The trick, I guess, is not to stay there. And in my case, always, dig out the ancient root that’s been touched so it’s less likely I’ll return there.
I am also the third child of four, and I also have the reputation in my family of being somewhat volatile. “How do you have the energy to fight so much?” my sister asked me once. Because to give in is to accept powerlessness, as you put it. Sometimes anger is the only thing to keep you going. I’ve mellowed a lot as I’ve aged, but I still have that core stubbornness that I can access whenever I need to stand my ground on something important.
This one really resonated with me. So much here! The childhood wounds. The mother wound. The carousel of lessening baggage. The husband as vessel for personal
Loved this Ros and really related. Having my time stolen is one of things that will always result in rage. I’m becoming more comfortable with my rage these days…. Have a great day!
Thanks, Karen, you too! Yes, this idea that our time is expendable by other people. I put up with way too much of my youthful time being stolen by people who took my goodwill for granted and now I see my supply dwindling; just no!
I got laid off a little over a year ago and I am still not sure what to do with myself. I can relate to so much of this, thanks for sharing your journey.
Just know you aren’t alone. I see this with so many of my friends and former colleagues: once you’ve been laid off, particularly if you’re a woman of a certain age, you are largely forgotten. I certainly know who my friends are and who they aren’t. Some days it’s a bitter pill to swallow.
As per usual, I can relate. Anger was 'my' emotion too. It still is sometimes. It feels more of an 'active' emotion, like you are doing something... but it mostly means you're pushing away very uncomfortable feelings. And sometimes making them someone else's problem.
Yes. I do everything I can not to make it someone else's problem these days. This is where tapping is the real godsend for me. I can tap in complete rage and shift out of it without having caused any damage except to the air (which is sore with expletives).
Midlife women often think they’re failing because they feel this rising fury, when really, it’s just the first honest emotion they’ve let themselves feel in years. I sometimes call it “the beginning of the rebellion.” Not against others, but against the version of themselves who always swallowed it down. And didn't we all at some point?
The stuff we put up with when we were younger (because we knew no better, and had no idea what we were up against) just builds to a head until in midlife, yes, finally, we start expressing what we have suppressed so long. Didn't we all at some point, you ask? And yes, I think nearly all of us did. You have to be a very bold young woman to do otherwise.
Years ago, I had a counsellor who told me that depression was anger turned inside out. Unfortunately, after he told me that, I started reacting with anger rather than despair. I say, unfortunately - it was unfortunate for everyone around me, but I was letting it out and felt relieved afterwards. It doesn't happen often these days, unless I'm under a lot of stress (erm... Which I am atm as I've got to move house...!)
It’s a worthwhile thing to understand. At least so we can appreciate it’s an adaptive response to feeling disempowered, and a way up for air. The trick, I guess, is not to stay there. And in my case, always, dig out the ancient root that’s been touched so it’s less likely I’ll return there.
Yes, absolutely, dig out the root to reduce the risk of it coming out!
I am also the third child of four, and I also have the reputation in my family of being somewhat volatile. “How do you have the energy to fight so much?” my sister asked me once. Because to give in is to accept powerlessness, as you put it. Sometimes anger is the only thing to keep you going. I’ve mellowed a lot as I’ve aged, but I still have that core stubbornness that I can access whenever I need to stand my ground on something important.
This one really resonated with me. So much here! The childhood wounds. The mother wound. The carousel of lessening baggage. The husband as vessel for personal
growth. 🙏🏻 Love it!
Loved this, Ros.
An example of me trying to evolve:
“Ommmmm…motherf$&@
😂 Love it, Sodak!
Loved this Ros and really related. Having my time stolen is one of things that will always result in rage. I’m becoming more comfortable with my rage these days…. Have a great day!
Thanks, Karen, you too! Yes, this idea that our time is expendable by other people. I put up with way too much of my youthful time being stolen by people who took my goodwill for granted and now I see my supply dwindling; just no!
I got laid off a little over a year ago and I am still not sure what to do with myself. I can relate to so much of this, thanks for sharing your journey.
Just so damn hard. Sorry you got laid off too. It’s really hard some days for me not to feel like I’ve been thrown on the scrapheap.
Just know you aren’t alone. I see this with so many of my friends and former colleagues: once you’ve been laid off, particularly if you’re a woman of a certain age, you are largely forgotten. I certainly know who my friends are and who they aren’t. Some days it’s a bitter pill to swallow.
It truly is. I have to believe the ground has been cleared for something better, but sometimes it’s really tough to keep going.
As per usual, I can relate. Anger was 'my' emotion too. It still is sometimes. It feels more of an 'active' emotion, like you are doing something... but it mostly means you're pushing away very uncomfortable feelings. And sometimes making them someone else's problem.
Yes. I do everything I can not to make it someone else's problem these days. This is where tapping is the real godsend for me. I can tap in complete rage and shift out of it without having caused any damage except to the air (which is sore with expletives).
I have tried it before but it wasn't my thing. It keeps popping up though, maybe I should work with a professional to try it again.