You are a magnificent human being. Do you know that?
You’re also swimming in language that shapes your reality every single day - and most of the time, you don’t even notice it’s there.
At How to Evolve, I use words to blast a loving hole in your skull and make way for more air and light. Through memoir, I fuse trauma and humour into transformational tales. Through language mastery, I show you how to reframe your story, spot manipulation, and elevate your craft.
Whether you’re rewriting your internal narrative, tired of being manipulated by politicians and that critical voice in your head, or wanting to become a significantly better writer, this is for you.
I teach three things:
Emotional regulation - Stay grounded through difficulty, process what you’re carrying, find hope when the world feels heavy
Relationship wisdom - Navigate difficult relationships while staying loving, spot manipulation patterns, set boundaries that hold
Language mastery - Write beautifully, reframe your story, understand how words shape reality
From broke and depressed to dream house and book deals? Done it. From gaslighted and silenced to published and prize-winning? Been there. From trapped in abuse to teaching others how to spot it? That’s the journey.
If you want powerful, funny, illuminating essays that help you stay emotionally regulated, navigate relationships wisely, and find light in dark times—welcome to How to Evolve.
What you’ll get with a free subscription
Weekly essays blending memoir, psychology, and relationship wisdom. Wry humour, transformational insights, hope in hard times.
Paid subscribers get all of the above plus
Reframes and insights for creating your preferred reality – How to shift your inner world in ways that make the outer world align with better outcomes. How to manifest your dream house, a sportscar, a book deal, and your relatives being a little less shitty to you.
Monthly Zoom sessions for emotional regulation using EFT tapping – Live sessions to process anxiety, stress, anger, relationship turmoil, whatever you’re carrying. I’ve been doing this for 18 years. Turns out it’s quite useful when your nervous system decides to have opinions about your Tuesday.
Poetry dives for language mastery and soul fuel – My favourite poems deconstructed. Want to know how language creates the reality we swim in? Get down to the nuts and bolts. For writers, craft skills that elevate your work plus writing prompts if you want them. For readers, inspiration when the world feels heavy. You’ll get a mental upgrade even if you never write a word.
Advanced relationship wisdom and pattern recognition – Navigate difficult relationships while staying loving. Spot manipulation patterns, set boundaries that hold, turn your hardest experiences into wisdom. The psychological excavation toolkit.
Direct private access – Ask me anything anonymously. Writing advice, personal dilemmas, how to reframe that thing you’re still furious about. Whatever you need.
The free posts show you what happened to me. The paid subscription shows you how to make sure similar bollocks doesn’t happen to you. Or if it already has, how to turn that stored shit into fuel, and burn it to reach escape velocity.
Why Subscribe?
Subscribe for the psychological excavation toolkit disguised as entertainment. Get honest, thought-provoking, often darkly funny real-life stories that help you navigate relationships, stay emotionally regulated, and find hope in difficulty.
Whether you’re working through hard times, elevating your craft, or reframing your life story, you’ll get the tools alongside the tales.
Plus, you’ll stop feeling alone in recognising the patterns nobody else seems to see.
About Me
I’m an award-winning writer and former Senior Lecturer in Creative Writing with 27 years of university teaching experience. My debut novel The Marlowe Papers — written entirely in iambic pentameter because I’m clearly a masochist — won the Desmond Elliott Prize, the Authors’ Club Best First Novel Award, and was longlisted for the Women’s Prize. My poetry is taught on the UK A Level exam syllabus, which still surprises me.
I hold a PhD in English Literature, am Patron of The Marlowe Society and Director of Research at The Shakespearean Authorship Trust. Plus three-time winner of the Calvin Hoffman Award for Distinguished Work on Christopher Marlowe. Which is to say: I know how to read closely, spot patterns, and decode what writers are actually doing with language.
I also survived over a decade of psychological abuse and rebuilt my life from scratch. Turns out that experience, combined with scholarly training, makes you quite good at recognising manipulation patterns.
My background includes biology, computer programming, and 18 years of EFT practice, including working with clients with PTSD and other levels of trauma. I live in Brighton on the south coast of England with my husband, daughter, and dog. I enjoy carpentry and power tools and built my utility room from scratch. This has bugger-all to do with writing but proves I’m annoyingly competent when I put my mind to something.
At How to Evolve, I combine scholarly analysis, hard-won wisdom, and dark British humour to help you master the language that shapes your reality—whether you’re creating your life, a book, or both. Come for the insights, stay for the personal upgrade.
What Readers Say
"Ros Barber's wildly skilled, category-of-one writing will make you think, make you laugh, make you gasp — and at some point, make you wish that you could write like that yourself. But you can't. Nobody but Ros Barber can. And that is why I love this Substack so much. " — Pilar Gerasimo, author of The Healthy Deviant Digest
“I could say so much. You touched me and showed me a better way to deal with my old pain.” — Martha D
“Thank you Ros. I appreciate you and this piece has made a difference to my day and perhaps my life.” — Kate M
“Grateful to you. I learn something about writing with each of your posts. I also have to learn to let go, over and over. This one will stay with me through the holiday.” — CGK
What Critics Said
“Barber's poetic prose is a sheer pleasure to read"
— Publisher's Weekly
“Terrifically accomplished and enjoyable… it restores one’s faith in English Fiction.” — Fay Weldon, author of The Life and Loves of a She-Devil
“Themes of identity and self-esteem, of truth and loyalty, give substance to Barber's enthralling plot in a work that combines historical erudition with a sharply satisfying read.” — The Independent
“The focus may be on the eternal questions but it is Barber’s ability to capture the small details of humanity that makes Devotion worth the read.” —The Financial Times
“Compelling... a novel so animated with fascinating, troubling ideas.”— The Guardian
What My Mother Said
“You’ll never be a really good writer, because the really good writers are Irish”
What I Said
“Hey! My boyfriend’s half-Irish! So every night, I have a little bit of Irish in me.”
